United News Services
September 6, 2010
Scientists announced today that they have found the gene that causes the regressive attitude found in conservatives.
"It is well known" said Dr. Gene Pool "that 30,000 years ago both neanderthal man and cro-magnon man were living on Earth simultaneously and humans (or non) being such, there was a certain amount of inter-breeding between the species. DNA analysis confirms that traces of neanderthal man are found in humans today. The real story here is that those who have the gene tend to be republicans, anti-federalists, conservatives and the new phenomenon of the tea party wing nuts."
Speaking at the Institute for Advanced Studies in Dementia in Modern Humans, Dr. Pool noted that "fortunately it is only a matter of time before this last line of archaic idea-logs finally self destructs do to their inability to adapt to modern life."
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